so much to read...

....and so much to keep up with..  I hope i will be able to get to know and support all those who support me..the days are short! aND i am still figuring out what is the most efficient way to use this site. So... sorry if I did not add myself to your support needs a bit of time.

Thanks to all the advice I called the clinic to see if the doctor had sent my file to the hospital, unfortunately not. Good I called. I tried to get in touch with a gynaecologist but that was difficult. did not succeed. But I try to be proactive and not let it slide...pfff

In the mean time I read the blogs and comments and laugh and cry and I feelblessed to have found this andf I hope I will be bale to stay in touch if things may be come a bit more busy.

I have somebody from the village coming to my house , a woman that helps me cope with all kinds of things. She is great too. 

The year before thay spotted the cancer I had a weird breakdown, like a stroke, with memoryloss and all. It was not a stroke said the neurologist. Since this moment I have some braindifficulties with organising input and planning. And it is difficult for me to remember stories from others and also my own, lol. 

Now i sometimes think it might have been a sign of the upcoming cancer..a bit extreem maybe, but...did any of you experience something quite heavy arond a year or so before the diagnose? I also immigrated back to Holland from France, that year, because of devorce. 



Sandyjo sent you a prayer.
Olga, Maggie sent you a hug.
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Since my cancer was diagnosed, I have studied and read so much about this subject I can do a dissertation on it. I learned that many cancer patients prior to learning about their diagnosis suffered a stressful event within 3 years of their diagnosis. I guess the stress depresses your immune system. It seems that you were under alot of stress prior to diagnosis. Since cancer is a complex illness, multiple modalities of healing are needed addition to changing diet, stress management, exercise, deceasing toxins, and taking care of your emotions are also
needed as well. With that being said, don't stress yourself about having to answer to all the blog comments if it's too much. If you have a chance to post something, it's so great because we are here with you through your journey and it's so nice of you to share with us.
Els, Olga like this comment
yes, yes!! The year before, I had eye problems, flashes and floaters; a sign of retinal detachment. I had 2 episodes. I haven't had any problems since.
Also, after treatment, with a scan, they detected a TIA (small one) and wanted to know when I had that; beats me? could have been from chemo. I was told, it could have been from birth; however, it was not discovered til after treatment, even though I had a head scan before treatment.
Helen Marshall, Olga like this comment
Glad to read that you are going to hang in there and keep trying to see the doctors that you need. Don't let go!

I don't have any story about a previous event that might have triggered the cancer, but I did learn some years ago that smoking is not just bad for you because it damages your lungs, but because it damages your immune system. So sad to see anyone smoking, I want to run over and shake them!

We are here for you, no need to comment on every comment! Just let us know what is happening...
I had episodes of SEVERE dizzy spells. Couldn’t work or drive. Went to so many doctors and had so many tests. They couldn’t find anything. Then a year later I was diagnosed with Lupus. Then a year after that was the cancer. It’s been years of crazy! I hope now I have a nice boring life. Boring is perfect for me. Lol
Els likes this comment
Haha i know what you mean! I hope and wish for you a very easygoing life...this was /is already enough for years to come...
Allseitz likes this comment
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Vital Info


January 24, 2020

Bilthoven, Netherlands 3723G

Cancer Info

Anal Cancer

June 20, 2018

Stage 1

1.1 - 2.0 cm

Grade 3


uncertainty and pain, confrontation with death

life's importance and happiness go beyond health.

not to be too worried, just be there

to just be themselves

to listen to early signs of fatigue helps me to guard a certain level of energy

It helps if I do not judge myself in anything and encourage my needs, even if some people oppose or do not understand

Probably. Waiting for results biopsy to come back on monday 27th january 2020.

in the end I had thrombosed hemorrhoides (never had, very painful) but surgeon did not see tumor, not even with ultra sound. After hem. was cut and cured, it still hurt. So I examined it myself and felt a rough kind of flat lump and I went back. I was sent to another surgeon and he took it away and sent it for biopsy. It was cancer. I had already had pain riding bicycle for a year, riding with 3 exta thick layers under me...and still.., I had bloody and deformed stools, pain in left cheek of the butt (therapist was wondering why her treatment did not help), I suffered tiredness and my legs seemed to have become heavy things that I dragged along. The weirdest thing I encountered was cramps in my pelvic muscles followed by involontary orgasms, very painful afterwards. I feel a bit ashamed to write this, but someone might be helped by it.. A year later, I had been free of cancer and symptoms, the hemerrhoids started again, and also the other signs, but nothing was found. Now, almost 8 months later it seems that behind the scartissue, on the other side of the anal canal, in the perineum, towards the vagina (I can feel it clearly, why did I not think of examining there before?), a large lump has developed since. So I went to the clinic. They took a biopsy and now I am waiting for the results.


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